25 other uses for my new book (besides being a corking good read)

The hardback edition of my new book, Constable Colgan’s Connectoscope, costs just £20. If that seems like a lot, do bear in mind that you will also get the e-book and audiobook editions free with it, so it’s more of a package for £20 really. Plus, free postage and packaging within the UK. And your name will be listed in the back of the book as someone who helped to support the book becoming a reality. And you get access to my Author's Shed where I put pictures and content you won't see elsewhere. And I run competitions for my pledgers and just by becoming one you are automatically entered into the draw to win the original cover painting. Suddenly £20 seems quite reasonable doesn't it?

And there are at least 25 other good reasons why my book is good value at £20. It has a myriad uses, such as ...

1. Torn in half and strapped to the feet as emergency show shoes.
2. 250 paper hats for a popular kitten’s/leprechaun's birthday party.
3. To plug a gunshot wound.
4. As a stage for a leprechaun concert.
5. As a bookmark for a really, really, really big book e.g. a giant's.
6. Confetti (requires garden shredder).
7. To beat off a shark attack.
8. As a cricket ‘box’.
9. As a bottom protector.
10. As a front bottom protector.
11. As a spice in a really disappointing curry (requires garden shredder).
12. As a club to club seal clubbers to death with.
13. Made into paper chains as Christmas decorations for the blind.
14. To plug a stab wound.
15. As a very small bridge over a tiny stream (for leprechauns).
16. As a crash helmet (not advised).
17. As the roof for a birdhouse or cuckoo clock or leprechaun cottage.
18. Fake snow (requires garden shredder).
19. As wrapping paper for a leprechaun-sized gift.
20. Torn in half as a makeshift bikini top/ bosom protector.
21. To beat off a badger/leprechaun attack.
22. As a wine press.
23. As a giant's beermat.
24. As an ingredient in Haggis (requires offal, sheep’s stomach, oats and garden shredder)
25. As an aerodynamically dubious Frisbee.

You see? Pledge now ... and tell your friends! Oh, and if you have any other excellent possible uses for the book do let me know by leaving a comment.